"Reflecting on and interrupting our tendencies to be bystanders"

Led by Peter Taylor assisted by Emmett Schaefer

 

Warm up: Supportive listening

 

Introductions & interest in topic of the session.

 

Bystander effect: [passed around to be read aloud by the group]

"Inaction by a bystander is often seen as unspoken acceptance of the situation."

"Passive bystanders encourage aggressors, demoralize victims, and support situations where they can become future victims."

 

Examples [contributed by group]

 

PT’s Hypotheses:

I have seen colleagues be bystanders to institutional injustices, but I decided that before I spend any more emotional energy criticizing them I need to confront my own dispositions to being a bystander. My hypothesis #1 is that a person is more likely to be a bystander if hurt in the past by others not stepping in to curb an injustice to that person or helping with healing afterwards. My hypothesis #2 is that we can re-evaluate past hurts and diminish their power on us in our present actions.

 

Process:

  1. Re-evaluate = revisit so as to open up new paths
  2. Supportive listening (aka Supported by having someone listen to us) reinforced by physical connection (e.g., holding hand)
  3. Somatic (bodily) opening up, e.g., yawning, crying, shaking, laughing [see the demonstration; no expectations thatthis should happen for participants]
  4. Create new or uncommon space for you to change in
    1. By arranging to pair up to do supportive listening (subset of asking for help)
    2. Attention/acceptance
    3. Mutuality – nothing is owed to the other person, who also seeks this space
    4. Confidentiality – whatever comes up is OK b/c it doesn’t go beyond the supportive listening
    5. Nudges – from listener so listenee doesn’t slip out of the space & reminds you you are in the present, not in the past being revisited
    6. Past hurts get revisited, but reevaluation is stronger if you (re)claim your apsirations
    7. Based on Reevaluation Counseling, which has been important in PT  and EM’s lives.

 

  1. Demonstration, followed by questions
  2. Practice
  3. Closing circle: one appreciation, one thing to keep alive for yourself

 

Resources:

See also Weissglass in Educational Forum, 54: 351-370, 1990, describes "constructivist listening," which allows participants in pairs to delve deeper into emotions left from hurtful experiences that interfere with clear thinking, making sense of experience, and listening well to other participants. The basis for his work lies in re-evaluation counseling (a.k.a. co-counseling)..