SelfAssessAkell

Alison Akell

Exit Self-Assessment

I."MY SYNTHESIS PRODUCT SHOWS THAT..."
(Adapted from the "Phases of research and engagement" in the Practicum course in the expectation that these are also relevant goals for students' work in moving towards the synthesis product)

A. I can convey who I want to influence/affect concerning what (Subject, Audience, and Purpose).

I think that it is clear that my audience are those who want to know more about changing a habit - either a creative habit or otherwise. The purpose of my paper is to explain what I learned so that my experience may resonate with others with an emphasis on learning about the underlying issues of wanting to change a habit- the “why” which leads to “how”. Presenting my story was my entry point which may ring true to others with more “show” than “tell”.

I could have done a better job closing things out to emphasize the purpose further, going through the steps in more detail and with more clarity. I think more concrete examples in more areas would have been useful too, they always are.

B. I know what others have done before, either in the form of writing or action, that informs and connects with my project, and I know what others are doing now.

For my project, I attempted to synthesize information in a new way- using what others have done before and combining it with things I learned myself. I was excited to find new ideas which contradicted what I had learned about willpower, but which ended up supporting my ideas even more somehow. My main focus is on the truth, so I don’t feel worried about finding contradicting information--I find that it helps me see truth better. I think what makes my project a little different is the “enjoyment” angle of new thinking, which isn’t something I have come across—at least not in the way that I came to understand its potential applications.

I could have researched more about behavior therapies that exist already and also done just more research in general. I was trusting what I learned which was useful, but I could have learned more about what’s already out there in certain respects.

C. I have teased out my vision, so as to expand my view of issues associated with the project, expose possible new directions, clarify direction/scope within the larger set of issues, and decide the most important direction.

I felt able to get “far” with my ideas this semester through figuring out what I was really seeking when I chose to explore my topic of painting and procrastination. I had an idea of the important elements, but I needed to think each of them through to clarify them. I knew that meditation was important somehow, but I was able to understand more about the “why” through experiencing and reflecting on it. Each element I learned about gave me lightbulb moments. Giving this issue more attention with this project allowed me to expand my view on the surrounding issues to find the right direction.

It took a long time for me to get to clarity on my vision and direction which was a risk from the start. So I struggled with getting everything done in time—learning what I needed to as well as writing out what I learned effectively. I was thinking too big about all of the connections that could be made, but I realistically could not include everything the time I had.

D. I have identified the premises and propositions that my project depends on, and can state counter-propositions. I have taken stock of the thinking and research I need to do to counter those counter-propositions or to revise my own propositions.

My project depends on my own story, though not everyone will have the same reactions that I have had regarding inner dialogue or have had the same types of automatic reactions. For some, success (however that is interpreted) and/or understanding will come from other avenues. In my paper, I attempted to make it known that other strategies can work for creating habits by stating that things such as goals and accountability can work to drive action. However, I also hoped to show that there is potential for more stability and strength in directly and purposefully affecting and practicing the thinking which benefits perseverance and habits. However, I think I could have done a better job using counter propositions more directly and more clearly. What I did may not work for everyone, and I could have stated that more clearly.

E. I have clear objectives with respect to product, both written and practice, and process, including personal development as a reflective practitioner. I have arranged my work in a sequence (with realistic deadlines) to realize these objectives.

My objective within my project was clear in regards to a goal of finding solutions to the problem I had—understanding and finding greater truth was the underlying objective (for process). I definitely used most of my time to figure things out with my writing, as opposed to explaining what I learned with it. I could have been better balanced there. Time was the major factor, and I was not able to meet the deadlines I had originally envisioned such as being “done” several weeks earlier than our course deadline. Instead, I revised heavily throughout which may have hindered the final product. I would continue to work on my written product if I could, though I’m not one to ever feel things are finished. I will continue working on my own writing about it instead.

F. I have gained direct information, models, and experience not readily available from other sources.

My experience (and reflection on it) has been the foundation for my learning. I was able to create model/diagrams where the elements I could identify as important were interacting in a supportive way. This clarification led me to see the current mindset versus desired mindset which led to me understand what needed changing. I drew from other sources to synthesize meaning for myself, so while I don’t think I am creating totally new material, the presentation of it is not the same in other sources. Even though I gained this information, there is so much more for me to learn in order to explain the mindset models to others in a more meaningful way—more concrete examples and more diving into the relationships of each element.


G. I have clarified the overall progression or argument underlying my research and the written reports.

My argument leads to a place where the results (creative output) are shown to be secondary to the experience of personal power and the associated positive feelings (mindset). I feel that I was able to do that, though I’m sure I could have done it better, especially through revisiting things better at the end of my paper. As stated above, getting into the relationship aspect of the elements I identified would have been useful, but I just didn’t get that far.


H. My writing and other products grab the attention of the readers/audience, Orient them, move them along in Steps, so they appreciate the Position I've led them to.

It is my hope that I have achieved attention, orientation, connection and appreciation of my position with my writing. I think that the problem I tackled is a relatable one which I used as a way to begin and grab attention. With the solution strategies being more focused on understanding rather than things to do, my aim was to shift perspective on the problem itself from one of “how to take action” to a focus on directly developing the feelings which are ultimately sought. With writing about the thinking I went through, I showed how my own change in perspective came to be. However, my writing could be clearer with more thorough explanation at every step. I feel too close to it still to even know how to change the progression at this point, so I learned how valuable time away from ideas is.

I. I have facilitated new avenues of classroom, workplace, and public participation.

While my project was very personal, I will be able to continuously affect people positively through what I learned and what I will be able to do going forward in my current work and future work—leading by example in any way possible is an ongoing mission. I had been fortunate enough to see that doing things for others brings positive feelings long ago, but I understand that on a much more profound level now. I understand how to not sacrifice my own wellbeing in the process which is a much more sustainable situation. My ability to lead has greater potential for exponential growth when I am not suffering myself, as all of my actions are informed by emotion. I am constantly experiencing meaningful ways of communicating with others thanks to the development of my project. I am able to make more connections which invite interest and participation through caring. What I still need to work on is being able to explain and use what I learned in other direct ways. That is what I will be working on going forward.

J. To feed into my future learning and other work, I have taken stock of what has been working well and what needs changing.

I realize that if I had been done with my writing sooner, I would have been able to clarify and write certain things more effectively. However, if I had finished sooner, I might not have gotten to where I am now with my understanding, which for me, is the reward I really needed. As much as I want my writing to be perfect, I know that my work on this doesn’t end here and I can keep writing about this topic. Now that I have reached the understanding I needed to in order to move forward, I can take what I learned about my writing process and improve it. Having more time to reflect and edit will help me. This strategy will be helpful as I go forward and take each of the subtopics I have discovered and write about them more fully on their own. Doing so probably would have been helpful to do in this project, but hindsight is 20/20
.
I don’t regret how things played out for this project, but I can learn from the process. I was focused on the big picture of how my ideas would interrelate and finding those connections, but as with everything I do, too much big picture focus can get in the way of the details that matter most.


II. DEVELOPING AS A REFLECTIVE PRACTITIONER, INCLUDING TAKING INITIATIVE IN AND THROUGH RELATIONSHIPS

1. I have integrated knowledge and perspectives from CCT and other courses into my own inquiry and engagement in social and/or educational change.

I have taken the things that I have learned and applied them, most notably in my conversations with others through things I learned in Dialogue Processes and Creative Thinking, Collaborations, and Organizational Change. Through my final project, I was able to find ways to live by the things I learn and not slip back to my ways of thinking and interacting. Listening to others is something that I have been able to ingrain not as something “nice to do”, but desired for learning. Dissolving ego has been a side effect and a support of my learning through my project as well. This is something I will continue to build on—something to keep practicing.


2. I have also integrated into my own inquiry and engagement the processes, experiences, and struggles of previous courses.

Looking back at the courses I have taken in CCT, I was able to see how my thinking changed, but also that there was room for more learning. In this way, I can view experiences and learning as things to build on and there is no end to learning. Failure is considered important for learning, so it’s important to view failure or struggles as such. I used to attach negative emotion to struggle, but I don’t anymore thanks to things I have learned. I still get tendencies to view the past as negative, but I’ll continue to practice my new mindset.


3. I have developed efficient ways to organize my time, research materials, computer access, bibliographies, etc.

I feel that my time is more organized than ever before. Before starting CCT, I never used the computer to write, it was always paper first. I still use paper for notes, but writing out a whole document on paper before typing it started to seem insane with all of the writing I was doing. Since that time, I feel better able to organize many things using digital documents. It probably looks like a mess to anyone looking at it, but I remember where I put things—especially when it comes to keeping sources in a unified place. There is a method to my madness.

However, I am still thinking of ways I can be more organized with the things I want to keep in mind—articles, books, websites, and my own notes. I have always relied on my ability to remember for certain things, but I can build on memory with the use of more organizational tools.


4. I have experimented with new tools and experiences, even if not every one became part of my toolkit as a learner, teacher/facilitator of others, and reflective practitioner.

I am lucky to have felt open to trying new things throughout CCT simply because I trust the ideas. When I first started CCT, I was not as open to all things so I know I have developed this desire more over time. I think that things stay with me even if I don’t practice everything all of the time. I can’t think of anything that I would consider off the table for me, even if I don’t use the tool or experience regularly. I think one struggle for me is “remembering” everything, which is why being more organized with that kind of thing will be useful going forward.

5. I have paid attention to the emotional dimensions of undertaking my own project but have found ways to clear away distractions from other sources (present & past) and not get blocked, turning apparent obstacles into opportunities to move into unfamiliar or uncomfortable territory.

This sums up what I was working on this past semester with my project. Emotion was always getting in my way previously, and being able to experience and practice not letting it was the essence of what I did and learned. I would never have been able to trust in my idea for my project without doing so. I may have been a little too trusting of myself and in trusting discomfort, because normally I would have structured myself more strictly. It’s very tough for me to regret anything with this particular project, but I can still think about how to balance things better going forward—reign myself in a little bit more.


6. I have developed peer and other horizontal relationships. I have sought support and advice from peers, and have given support and advice to them when asked for.

I was very lucky to have my trio support group for the class. We talked often and supported each other in various ways be it with direct discussion of our projects, talking about other stuff going on, or comic relief. We sometimes repeated the same advice back to each other which was really interesting—seeing clarity for someone else, but not ourselves in all situations. I am lucky I could also discuss my project with a number of other people to get feedback on how to clarify ideas. Something I could work on is again, letting in more feedback through sharing ideas that I haven’t thought out very well yet, trusting that dialogue can bring more clarity.


7. I have taken the lead, not dragged my feet, in dialogue with my advisor and other readers. I didn't wait for the them to tell me how to solve an expository problem, what must be read and covered in a literature review, or what was meant by some comment I didn't understand. I didn't put off giving my writing to my advisor and other readers or avoid talking to them because I thought that they didn't see things the same way as I do.

It is hard for me to give my writing to others in a “half-baked” state, so that is something to work on. That being said, the reason for that difficulty is more about me rather than concern over the other person not seeing things the way I do. I actually find questions and criticism to be the most effective way to clarify things for myself when I have to better explain what I’m thinking. The reason I don’t like sharing it is that my writing looks like a mess when I’m not done, and I don’t like the style I use (I feel I come off as a “know-it-all”). It being a requirement to submit drafts was a good thing for me. I could have asked more about comments rather than rely on my interpretations, even though I found comments and dialogue very helpful.


8. I have revised seriously, which involved responding to the comments of others. I came to see this not as bowing down to the views of others, but taking them in and working them into my own reflective inquiry until I could convey more powerfully to others what I'm about (which may have changed as a result of the reflective inquiry).

I know that when others respond with questions or confusion that I haven’t explained well enough, and maybe I don’t even understand things well enough. I feel open to what others say even if it’s tough to hear at first, realizing that I have not achieved what I had hoped in terms of clarity. It is important to me not to ramble in my writing, but to concisely and logically show a progression of knowledge building. The comments and confusion of others definitely helped me to see a better path to achieving that goal. However, with more organization and time, I might have been able to revise even more effectively.


9. I have inquired and negotiated about formal standards, but gone on to develop and internalize my own criteria for doing work—criteria other than jumping through hoops set by the professor so I get a good grade.

What I was working on was so important to me personally that I did not take formal standards into as much consideration when working this time around. I was following the instructions with trust that the guidelines would help me rather than with focus on their relationship to grading (such as daily writing). I also trusted the feedback as a way to help me clarify my writing for myself but more importantly my audience. It is important to me to effectively communicate what I am learning to others first and foremost in an effort to share the positive effects. I take the course and coursework seriously as something that I want to be a part of promoting as important. Again, in this case, working towards a bit more balance would have been helpful.


10. I have approached the CCT synthesis course and the CCT program as works-in-progress, which means that, instead of harboring criticisms to submit after the fact, I have found opportunities to affirm what is working well and to suggest directions for further development.

I wanted my written product to be of value to someone who may read it, so that has been my focus and the source of some longing for more time to make it more effective. However, I know that I can continue to work on things on my own and share my writing on it as an artist and philosopher—which will likely manifest in less formal ways, though not less important ways.