Abigail Grainda

May 28, 2004

I. "MY SYNTHESIS PRODUCT SHOWS THAT..."

A. I can convey who I want to influence/affect concerning what (Subject, Audience, Purpose).

My product (written and oral presentation) speaks primarily to educators. This is the field I am a part of and a field I see myself in forever in some capacity. I want to improve the quality of education for young students with special needs and to do this I must address the parents and teachers to support effective change. Although my product is primarily for educators, there is a quality to it that reaches many. This is partly due to the common ground– we have all spent many years in school and continue to participate in higher education. I have reached this goal because I have clarity in who I want to influence, what I want to change, why this is important to me, and how I suggest infusing this change. My written synthesis includes all of these pieces.

B. I know what others have done before, either in the form of writing or action, that informs and connects with my project, and I know what others are doing now.

My skills as a researcher have improved greatly. I have utilized the UMASS library online frequently and observed colleagues. I have also called on my colleagues for suggestions for sources and information. This has been extremely helpful in terms of widening my own vision. In the future I would like to improve my research skills online. Although I have made a lot of progress in this area the past two semesters, I would still like to improve these skills and build confidence in this area.

C. I have teased out my vision, so as to expand my view of issues associated with the project, expose possible new directions, clarify direction/scope within the larger set of issues, and decide the most important direction.

This is something I was able to do last semester during practicum. Once I had figured out what I was most passionate about (which took some time) I was able to explore the many facets of my topic. This laid the foundation for the direction of my synthesis. In practicum, which I took at the same time as Ben Schwendener’s class, I had some trouble finding my focus. Instead of taking stock and really finding my passion, I chose a topic I wasn’t completely committed to. My experience in Ben’s class gave me the courage to recognize this and turn it around. Once I was on the right track, I thoroughly explored all of the elements of my topic, last semester and this semester. From this experience, I learned to trust the end result, even if that means not always knowing from the beginning.

D. I have identified the premises and propositions that my project depends on, and can state counter-propositions. I have taken stock of the thinking and research I need to do to counter those counter-propositions or to revise my own propositions.

Something that sticks in my mind from this experience is from Janet Farrell Smith’s class, Critical Thinking. This was my very first graduate CCT course. In this class we discussed levels of believing. Imagine a peace rally, with people holding signs and protesting war. Within those people there are three levels of belief. There are people there who are just there to hold the sign and yell and chant. Then, there are people there who are strongly committed to their cause and who can tell you all the reasons why their views/cause is right and sound. Finally, there are people there who are strongly committed to their cause, can tell you the strengths and weaknesses of their position, AND can tell you the merits and weaknesses of counter views. I guess what I am trying to say is that this entire experience (CCT) has brought me to more informed levels of believing, even in believing in myself and my own capabilities.

E. I have clear objectives with respect to product, both written and practice, and process, including personal development as a reflective practitioner. I have arranged my work in a sequence (with realistic deadlines) to realize these objectives.

One of the most important things I had to do this semester was give myself credit. When it was time to jump in and write an introduction, the hardest part was realizing that I was knowledgeable enough to write about my topic. Once I started to believe that I was an expert, or at least an expert of my research, the words flowed quite easily. I used the sequences and time lines suggested by my adviser, and had my own personal goals. Although I had realistic deadlines and completed synthesis, I felt the time crunch at the end of the semester. This was not due to lack of planning or poor sequence, just a result of things taking longer than expected.

F. I have gained direct information, models, and experience not readily available from other sources.

I have gained information from many of my colleagues, including teachers and administrators. This information is priceless to me, as it helps research come alive with personal experiences. I have actively pursued this information, through informal conversations, sharing of resources, surveys, and observation, and I am pleased to say that my colleagues were extremely supportive of me and my endeavors throughout this process. Something I struggle with is reaching out for information from people I do not know. Knowing someone personally usually allows me to place great value on his or her words and experiences. I know this is not always the way and that this reflects a weakness in my thinking. This is something I hope to develop in the future.

G. I have clarified the overall progression or argument underlying my research and the written reports.

Writing my abstract is an example of the clarity of my research. That was the last piece of my written synthesis, the most compact, and also the hardest to write. I was surprised at that point that it was as difficult as it was. I was successful in writing an abstract that is succinct and clear, which orients potential readers to the arguments in my synthesis.

H. My writing and other products Grab the attention of the readers/audience, Orient them, move them along in Steps, so they appreciate the Position I've led them to.

I am very proud of my oral presentation for synthesis. That presentation was one of the easiest things I had ever done. When I wrote it (the visuals) I found myself with coherent words, logical flow, and mastery of my material. This was a wonderful feeling. I felt as if my presentation had a strong “grab” with the use of the simulation experiences. I also modeled parts of my lessons, including the goal setting. This allowed me to orient my viewers by knowing what the goals of the presentation were. The presentation moved along in steps and brought viewers to a level of appreciation for my project. Last semester in practicum, I also did an oral presentation. At the time, I was pleased with how it went. Now in looking back, I realize how much I’ve grown and learned about my subject matter since then. I was able to grad the attention of the audience in practicum, but I had trouble moving them along in steps because I myself was unsure as to where I was going.

I. I have facilitated new avenues of classroom, workplace, and public participation.

I will have the opportunity to present my synthesis to the group of teachers I work with (about 25 people). I am so excited about this opportunity. I will be using a modified version of my oral presentation for synthesis, including the simulation components. I am eager to do this and see what responses I get. Also, the thought of real teachers reading and using my lessons, or parts of my lessons is incredible and almost unbelievable to me. My principal has been extremely supportive of my project and classroom and workplace participation. We are also talking about creating an information presentation for parents of students with learning disabilities.

J. To feed into my future learning and other work, I have taken stock of what has been working well and what needs changing.

I have used all of the different parts of the lessons I have developed with students, although in no real order or in a complete lesson. I was able to experiment with different parts of my lessons with kids, to modify as needed for my synthesis project. This helped me figure out what did work well, what I had explained clearly, and what needed further development. This was helpful in terms of developing lesson activities that worked with students. I am eager to use all five of my lessons in the future, in sequence, and revisit different lesson activities throughout the course of the year. I plan on doing this from the beginning of next year with the students I work with. I am sure that from this experience, there will be some changes and tweaking to the lessons I have developed.

II. DEVELOPING AS A REFLECTIVE PRACTITIONER, INCLUDING TAKING INITIATIVE IN AND THROUGH RELATIONSHIPS

1. I have integrated knowledge and perspectives from CCT and other courses into my own inquiry and engagement in social and/or educational change.

A major change I notice in my daily workday is the way I listen to other people and ideas. I am more capable of listening to new ideas for the merit rather than listening for the weaknesses. I have learned that new ideas are vulnerable and in order to see the value in them, you have to suspend judgment and listen constructively. This was a hard habit to break and I am very much aware of my tendency to listen with judgment when I just should be listening. Being aware of this helps me to turn it around, which is still very much an active process, although it is getting easier.

2. I have also integrated into my own inquiry and engagement the processes, experiences, and struggles of previous courses.

Each CCT class I participated in helped me develop self-confidence, which was very important for me. From the moment I began my first CCT summer course, I felt safe and supported in the classroom environment. I had a confidence about me that was lacking in undergraduate study, and that came out in a safe and supportive learning climate. This was modeled for me in all of my CCT classes. This confidence allowed me to participate in the program fully, and do and try things I would never imagine, particularly in some of the creative classes. Ultimately, I felt comfortable in all of my classes, comfortable enough to have confidence in all of my strengths and weaknesses.


3. I have developed efficient ways to organize my time, research materials, computer access, bibliographies, etc.

Organization has always been my strong point, but I found it a challenge to organize the sheer amount of information my synthesis project generated. I have improved my skills on the computer, using different functions and capabilities I wasn’t familiar with. I also grew competent as an online researcher, and will miss the UMASS online library access! The lesson I learned as the semester came to a close is that no matter how much time you have, things always seem to take longer than expected, so allot for double the amount of time you think something will take, and maybe you won’t fall too far behind.

4. I have experimented with new tools and experiences, even if not every one became part of my toolkit as a learner, teacher/facilitator of others, and reflective practitioner.

Part of my growing with this program was allowing it to happen to me. I learned from early on that I often looked too critically at ideas and situations. By doing this I was not appreciating creative ideas or looking for any different solutions to problems. I had to learn to suspend judgment, and this was a difficult task. Sometimes, I still find myself reverting back to this stagnant way of thinking, but I am more aware of this happening. I am a more capable thinker because I can navigate my own thinking processes now more efficiently and positively.

I also did a lot of experimenting with free writing, through different classes and also in the Artist’s Way. Though I value these experiences, I have learned through synthesis that I am a generative writer. I do not have any trouble generating coherent words or flow on a first attempt. Free writing as a means of clearing obstacles to generate writing is not necessary for me. The process of revising is more of a challenge and I didn’t realize this about myself before.

5. I have paid attention to the emotional dimensions of undertaking my own project but have found ways to clear away distractions from other sources (present & past) and not get blocked, turning apparent obstacles into opportunities to move into unfamiliar or uncomfortable territory.

This last semester has had a huge emotional dimension to it, more so than any other time in the past two years. While trying to complete this semester, I found myself involved in some very positive, major changes in my own life. This is when I realized how much this program has helped me to appreciate change. I have never worked on a project I was so personally invested in. This investment came from allowing the project to happen to me, taking stock, and discovering my true passion. I have found ways to clear away distractions from other sources, mainly by just saying “Thank you, but no.” Something I still struggle with is finding my focus. It is not that I get blocked or particularly distracted, I just have trouble sitting down to do the task until I have the inspiration. Sometimes this inspiration takes longer to develop than I want it to, which leaves me with less time. It’s almost as if I can identify the wheels spinning in my own mind. I know I am thinking about a project or a task before I actually begin it. And when the inspiration strikes, I am able to sit down, focus, and generate.


6. I have developed peer and other horizontal relationships. I have sought support and advice from peers, and have given support and advice to them when asked for.

From my first class, I have felt completely supported by my peers and I was very surprised by this. I never expected to be as engaged with my peers in this program as I was, and that experience has been very rewarding. I believe I have developed peer relationships that will last beyond my exit from this program, specifically with Michelle Morgan, Mary Frangie, Rob Norris, and Kris Hanks. Working with a buddy this last semester was very beneficial to my project. It helped to have someone who was very familiar with what I was doing to listen to ideas and read drafts. On the flip side, I really enjoyed reading for someone else, and editing and making revision suggestions. I would be happy to do this for the program in the future.

7. I have taken the lead, not dragged my feet, in dialogue with my advisor and other readers. I didn't wait for the them to tell me how to solve an expository problem, what must be read and covered in a literature review, or what was meant by some comment I didn't understand. I didn't put off giving my writing to my advisor and other readers or avoid talking to them because I thought that they didn't see things the same way as I do.

The quality of feedback I have received from the CCT faculty has been excellent and I feel the need to highlight this. I believe I have taken the lead in dialogue with my advisor and other readers when it was necessary to do so. Sometimes, the real challenge is in knowing when you need the support, but also knowing when you don’t. I have done this well this semester by reaching out when the support was needed and solving more problems or answering more questions on my own. Developing as a reflective practitioner means asking for help when you need it and helping yourself when you need it.


8. I have revised seriously, which involved responding to the comments of others. I came to see this not as bowing down to the views of others, but taking them in and working them into my own reflective inquiry until I could convey more powerfully to others what I'm about (which may have changed as a result of the reflective inquiry).

Prior to the CCT program, serious revision was never something I took seriously. In my past experiences, I have taken suggestions for revision negatively, rather than constructively. I have done this even before hearing what the suggestions were. CCT helped turn this around, particularly this semester. Working with a buddy and reader from the beginning of the semester allowed me to form a relationship with both of these people even before they read any of my material. This relationship helped me read and see suggestions as constructive rather than critical. The quality of the feedback I received from peers and readers has been outstanding and it has improved the quality of my end product.


9. I have inquired and negotiated about formal standards, but gone on to develop and internalize my own criteria for doing work—criteria other than jumping through hoops set by the professor so I get a good grade.

There have been times when I have discussed suggestions made by CCT faculty about my written work and decided not to take these suggestions. This represents my development in self-confidence and decision making. I know that I took all of the suggestions seriously, but I also had enough confidence and belief in myself to decide when to act and when to not act on suggestions. I have internalized my own criteria for doing work, and CCT has never been about making the grade. It has always been about learning and creating something I was proud of.

10. I have approached the CCT synthesis course and the CCT program as works-in-progress, which means that, instead of harboring criticisms to submit after the fact, I have found opportunities to affirm what is working well and to suggest directions for further development.

Here are some things that worked well for me in CCT:
Classroom learning climate
Small class size
Individual attention/relationships with faculty
Appropriate and thought provoking readings
Commonalities between courses (helped me to make connections from one class to the next)
Online discussion groups
Workshop classes
Size of the program
Useful class activities
Small group work (supportive)

This experience has well exceeded any expectations I had for the program. It has been as much a professional experience for me as it has been a personal one. I never expected to gain so much self-knowledge from this program, or any graduate program for that matter. I look forward to continuing my personal development and enhancing my skills as a reflective and supportive educator. It has been a pleasure. If I may ever be of any help to you or the program, please do not hesitate to call.